7 years ago I was single, I was happy, I was healthy. I enjoyed my time alone, which now I realize that even while I appreciated it more than most single women, it was still sorely taken for granted. Now I'm married with 3 children and find myself dealing with some form of a mid-life crisis, if that is still such a thing. I'm having to relearn ways to find pleasure in my daily life and ensure my own happiness. I'm learning as I go that I was bamboozled and possibly beguiled into a lifestyle that I may not have chosen for myself otherwise. I find myself wondering if I'm living the dreams of others rather than my own. I am living the life I planned for myself as a masterful alchemist in life force energy, however I find myself questioning if I truly chose the route that I wanted for myself. Did I want this for myself or is it because I was trained to believe that these things were admirable? I have so many accomplishments and great projects in motion, yet find myself at a standstill... wading in reflection. In a sort of elusive trance state that no one else can recognize. Who am I? What is it that I want? Why am I in my own way? Can I start over? Wondering... what would it be like, knowing what I know now, to go back to those moments of solitude... days of meditation and manifestation... what would I recreate or design differently? Where do I go from here, now that I'm here? What do I manifest next? Why do I feel trapped in my own design?
To be continued...
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